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Staying whole is a big part of Daoist philosophy. When we are divided against ourselves, we fail to maximize the experience of what we are. When we are divided, we fight against ourselves. We fight against our urges, our thoughts, our feelings, as well as against those of others. This is too much struggle, too much fighting. When we are of one mind, and are in a focused state, we are integrated. This means that the totality of our being is unified in its expression of our own natural state. When we are divided, we are disintegrated.
Many people struggle with thoughts and urges that they have come to deem wrong or immoral. Many of these thoughts and urges are perfectly natural. People fight themselves over thoughts of sexual attraction to other people, wanting to be rich, wanting to be poor, wanting to help, desiring delicious food, etc. All of these are perfectly natural thoughts. Many of them are tied to deep genetic hard-wiring, while others are tied to psychological conditioning. Regardless of where they come from or whether they are good or bad, fighting yourself over them is not the Way.
As with many things in life, the way out is through. We can’t un-feel our feelings anymore than we can un-think our thoughts or un-act our actions. Once they are here, we have to accept them. The key to staying centered is in realizing that these thoughts, feelings, and actions are not all we are. They are a part of us, but they are not all of us. If we focus on them – either fighting them or indulging them – they will rule us. Trying to deny that you are sexually attracted to people other than your partner will lead to cheating. Denying yourself tasty food will lead to eating disorders. Pretending you don’t feel anger will lead you to an outburst that you cannot control. If we are sitting in a dark room staring at a candle, it seems like the candle is all there is. If we sit there staring at it wishing it weren’t so bright, it seems even brighter and has us totally mesmerized. However, if we just turn the light on, we see that there is more than that little candle. The way we ‘turn the light on’ in our minds is to realize that we have a lot more room in our minds than we think. We have a lot of thoughts other than sexual urges when we see an attractive person. We have thoughts other than binging on burgers when we see a food commercial on television. It is in identifying more with the whole of us and less with the parts of us that we find freedom and the Way.
I have never found authority. I’ve heard about it, but I have never seen it. People claim to have authority. They claim to derive their authority from the government, from their bank account, from the color of their skin, from the end of a barrel, the edge of a knife, or even from God. It is, in the end, an empty claim. No one has authority over me or you. We are sovereign. The only power another person can have over you is the power you give to them. Power given is power that can be taken. Power that can be taken is not power, it is an agreement between two parties. A cop can convince me to pull over with flashing lights because of an agreement between us. Without that consensual arrangement, I don’t have to pull over. Now, the decision to evade a police officer will certainly incur some hefty consequences, but I am free to do what I want.
Authority doesn’t really exist does it? In our country, we say that the power to govern is derived from the governed. This is the way it always is. If someone puts a gun to my head and commands me to confess to something I didn’t do, I don’t have to do it. It is my choice, not theirs. I cannot be made to do anything. I can be influenced, convinced, or deceived into doing something, but I can’t be made to do it. I might choose to confess rather than eat a bullet – it’s up to me. When I heed the warnings of a meteorologist, I confer upon them a certain kind of power – I enter into the agreement mentioned above. If that meteorologist proves to be inaccurate, I revoke the power of influence.
We are all currently in many agreements of this sort with people, institutions, and ourselves. These agreements need frequent audits. Any such agreements that do not have to do with your direct experience of your own immediate reality should be terminated. Meditation is the best way to conduct such an audit. There should be a rule in your internal kingdom that all influences are subject to periodic review. Meditation is the cancellation of all influential arrangements. In meditation, the need for these influences diminishes and you will let them go quite naturally. Having let them all go, it is much easier to know which ones should be reinstated. I have been meditating for 20 years now, and I still come across these contracts I have with forces inside me and outside me. The more I let go of, the freer I am – freer to think for myself.
I have never had a problem with authority, because I haven’t found any. I don’t know anyone who can tell me more about being me than me. Why would you let someone shape or mold you? They didn’t create you. This doesn’t mean we can’t learn from others, of course we can. It just means that, if we are going to listen to anything anyone has to say, we will do so from a position of inner trust and strength. We can take the advice of others and consider what they have to say, but we don’t let it bypass our own intuition and reason.
I suggest you take some time and consider this concept of authority. To what people or institutions have you given authority to influence you? Why do you give it? How does it serve you?
The everyday world around us is the most amazing thing. People tend to look to the mysterious side of life for the answers. We look to the heavens, we buy tarot cards, we see psychics, etc. All of this is fine and dandy, but the real answers are all around us. If we will just take the time to listen, we will find that we are soaking in the answers to our greatest questions.
The minds of the East have always looked toward nature for the answers. They didn’t do it in the faux environmentalist fad that words like “nature” and “environment” have come to connote. Rather, they did it with genuine deference to the power of the world around us. The power of our world is often overlooked because we take it for granted. If you look at any mundane aspect of the world around you, you will be amazed at the miracle that it is. Take our seasons as an example. The perfect dance between our sun and our planet provide the delicate balance required for life to exist and thrive. How about our own bodies? It is amazing to me that any of us work right. We are so complex. The fact that any of us are healthy is a miracle. Life is teaming all around us. The rules governing us and our world are on full display in every speck of our world. We don’t need the mysterious to guide us. Sometimes, looking to the mysteries is helpful, but the mundane is what sustains us.
Meditation is the practice of returning to the mundane. Now, some people get all crazy with visualizations and magical thinking, but that is not the kind of meditation I’m talking about. When you are sitting there visualizing all sorts of magical things, you are doing something. Zen teaches us to stop doing things. I practice Zen meditation – just sitting. My teacher, Fong Ha, is a true master of the mundane! He has the power of a master without the ego that usually comes with it. His power is true because he doesn’t “possess” it, he is it. He is his own power and understanding, and it is him. It is not something that someone gave to him – it just is. When we just sit still and be what we are, without adding to it all the things we wish we were or trying to not be any of the things we wish we weren’t, we can sense the world around us, including our own bodies, much more directly. When we do this, we get all the “answers” we need. Watching yourself breathe will teach you more than any teacher.
TRY IT!
The phrase “stress management” gets more popular by the month it seems. I guess between the economy tanking and the normal hassles of modern life, people just aren’t handling things too well. I am interested in the similarities between what we say about stress management and the traditional sense of Daoist or Zen enlightenment. The two are nearly synonymous to an extent. Enlightenment, of course, goes much farther than most people take stress management, but they share the same root.
In both stress management and enlightenment we find the need to stay centered and not get carried off by our emotions. Emotions are good when they are responses to reality. They are not good when they are responses to what we think about reality. Our emotions are stirred up by what our minds tell us. Our minds take in all the information from our senses and create thoughts based on that input. Those thoughts then stimulate our bodies. When that happens, we feel an “emotion.” Emotions are us feeling our minds in our bodies. We need the mind to be a transparent operator between our bodies and the world around us. We need for our minds to feed us accurate information. With accurate information, our bodies can respond appropriately. When our minds second-guess reality, or make up their own reality, our emotions are stirred up by false information.
Our minds are capable of creating amazing stories; this is wonderful for entertainment and education (mmm….Star Wars….), but not for everyday life. For our everyday lives, we need to be responding to reality. Our minds can create stories that stir up our anger, fear, joy, sadness….and all the other emotions. When we think we might lose our jobs, we stir up fear. When we think someone might be cheating us, we stir up anger. The key word here is “might.” None of these things “are” happening…they “might” happen – huge difference. No matter how eminent an even seems, it is not happening until it happens. This doesn’t mean we should stick our heads in the sand until something actually happens to us; it means that we don’t need to be swayed by the emotions generated by our predictions of the future.
We can know that something might happen, and consider our options as well as the likely consequences without letting the emotions stirred up by that process influence our thinking or our actions. We have to know which emotions to listen to and which to ignore. If I sit down and imagine a horrible event in my future, I will stir up fear. If I then act on this fear, I’m taking action based on fantasy; not reality. I have to be able to say to myself, “This is only one of infinite possibilities.” I can take action based on what I think is likely to happen without involving the emotions. If I feel my tire go flat my mind will naturally calculate that I might crash. Slowing down and pulling over would be actions taken based on reality (i.e. the tire going flat). If, on the other hand, I had a wreck ten years ago but still freak out every time I get behind the wheel and drive neurotically out of fear, then I’m taking action based on fantasy rather than reality.
I find that this differentiation between our direct experience of reality and what we are thinking about that experience to be the single biggest key to both stress management and enlightenment in my own life and the lives of my patients. The best way to get better at making this distinction is meditation. With a strong meditation practice you come to better understand the relationship between you and your mind. Your mind is something that you are doing. You can find the contrast needed to make the distinction by simply not “doing” anything. When you stop the doing of the mind, you can experience reality directly.
My suggestion is to meditate your ass off; if you don’t want to do that, at least play with this idea. Pay attention to how you are reacting and what you are reacting to with the next thing that happens to you today.
